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This article is part of Upstream, The Daily Wire’s new home for culture and lifestyle. Real human insight and human stories — from our featured writers to you.
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When I was growing up, family dinner was the expectation. We didn’t sit down for breakfast together during the week (I’m pretty sure with having three children, my parents only ate coffee for breakfast), but we all knew we would gather around the table together in the evening. Whether we were eating at our house or at my grandparents’ house, most of the time it was going to be at the dinner table. My grandparents still have the dinner table I was accustomed to eating at. It’s a staple in their home.
Wherever we were, we would all talk, laugh, and joke. It was rare that dinner was a serious affair. We had stories to share. The kids weren’t there to be seen and not heard; we were part of the whole shebang. I felt included and comfortable. Family dinners are a bright spot in my memory when I think about childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood. I’m happy to say that as a mom, I’ve continued with this tradition.
Roughly half of the population regularly eat dinner as a family. According to research from 2019, 29% of American families sit down and eat dinner together every day — almost a third of families! Another 23% reported eating dinner together four to six times a week. Sixty-two percent of parents with kids under 18 indicated they would like to have family dinners more often.
We want to be connected with our family. But why? What is so important about family meals?
Let’s start with the stories. Researcher Robyn Fivush says it beautifully: Stories sustain us. She has conducted research examining how the act of storytelling affects families. She has found children who have strong intergenerational sharing of stories happening in their family show higher levels of self-esteem, social competence, autonomy, sense of meaning, and fewer behavioral problems, which include depression, aggression, and anger. She identifies the act of storytelling as the catalyst; it is more than knowing the facts of what has happened to generations of your family. It is the bond of sharing the story that leads to these positive outcomes. It’s sharing the experiences. She goes on to explain that families who shared stories in a coherent and emotionally open way with their adolescents found that those kids coped better with life events.
Family meals also act as a protective net around our children. A meta-analysis (really big review of a lot of research studies) found that family meals are especially beneficial for children and adolescents. The data showed sitting down to eat with family led to increased levels of self-esteem and performance in school. The meals together were also linked to fewer mental health issues (disordered eating, symptoms of depression, substance abuse, and violent behavior).
When kids eat dinner as a family, they are more likely to develop healthy eating habits: ingesting more fruits and vegetables, engaging in social eating, finding it important to sit down and eat rather than eating on the run, and eating less fried food and drinking less soda. Please don’t feed your kids a kiddie alternative. When kids eat what their parents eat, they are more likely to have healthy diets overall.
Want even more reasons to eat as a family? Doing so apparently increases literacy! By talking to our children at the dinner table, we expose them to more words that are considered “rare.” When we include children in the conversation, sometimes we have to explain things, and that’s how they learn. Family dinner is also a time for longer conversations. These involve more back-and-forth between family members and are excellent for learning.
Family dinner is not only beneficial for children; there are benefits for adults too. Family meals lead to increased intake of healthy foods, decreased consumption of fast food, and decreased negative eating behaviors. Data show eating with your family is related to better mental health in parents. Having a lot of conversation or storytelling during dinner means we have to eat more slowly, and this gives our brain a chance to register how full we feel, meaning its easier not to overeat.
Now for the harsh part: The data show that eating in front of the TV removes that protective net from eating together. The healthy food goes out the window. The emotional atmosphere of dinner takes a hit too. Researchers observed people’s family meals and found that when eating in front of the TV, people’s level of enjoyment was significantly decreased. If your family doesn’t have a dinner table and only eats together on the couch, that’s fine; simply leave the TV off while you eat so your family is able to engage with each other.
Family dinners are great, but the atmosphere around the meal matters. If everyone is stressed and yelling at each other, that’s not going to lead to positive outcomes. It’s up to the adults at the table to cultivate a warm and engaging environment so the family can feel connected to each other.
From my experience as a mother and a therapist, I can report that eating together leads to a feeling of connection, especially when storytelling is tied in. Ideally, our family is the place where we feel comfortable and secure. Dinner time becomes a time for sharing emotional experiences and receiving empathy, problem-solving, or feedback from the people who love you. I personally am hoping it is a time for creating positive memories. Our brains learn from our experiences, so if we continually experience a positive environment with our family, then we are able to link those positive emotions with the family unit.
My own basic rules are: put away phones and tablets, turn off the TV, sit down together, try the food on your plate, and participate in conversation. And everyone helps with clean-up.
Set a goal for eating together three to four times a week because research shows positive outcomes from this baseline. Happy dinners, y’all!
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Gabrielle Frook is a licensed clinical professional counselor who has worked with children, adolescents, and adults, delivering evidence-based treatment for PTSD, depression, and anxiety. She writes her own Substack and has been published in Medium publications.
